"Empty Attack" of ageing!

There are times when you feel empty. Completely empty. The soul is gone missing. You are scrambling for hope. You are groping for something to hold onto in a dark space. Today was that time. Not just today. Last few days. You could feel the darkness, the emptiness - as if it engulfed me completely. I tried to resist the slow poisoning but couldn't come out of its shackles. The feeling was very similar to that when death approaches near you and everything around you crumbles down.

You have all physical existence. Worldly existence in place. From outside nothing seems to be a reason for worry. But you know, your inside is bring scooped out by a large unseen crane - like you see in a construction site excavating earth.

You are feeling helpless, and hopeless too! You are screaming in pain but no one can hear you out - As if you are a ghost! An apparition! You are knocking on doors and the doors can't produce a single wave of sound.

This emptiness has a sense of fear too. An unsettling nervousness! You are bombarded with self questions and self doubts and you are scrambling for answers. Probably you know the answers but they dont show up in front of you.

38 years almost gone by. 2 years to touch another number which everyone looks at with mixed emotions - mainly with apprehension and unwelcoming! Standing on this juncture, when life train is about to pull up by a big junction at 40, I look back with heavy heart. With emptiness. Like a lone carriage shunted somewhere. The journey so far looks meaningless, worthless! And I'm still trudging up the track with a heavy emptiness!